Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Lopiseni @ Tamaki Primary School: honey moon

Great story Lopiseni! You have got a clear problem and solution. I love that you have included some dialogue, you have got two - one time she says "I've got to catch my breathe" and the other one she thought to herself "I should go and marry him". Great!

Next steps - add more detail and description about your character. Who was she? Does she have a name? Where was the honeymoon? Why did she lie and run away (Did she not love the man?)? What does she look like? What is she wearing? 
Next steps - come and see me about your speech marks and I'll help you put them in the right place

Keep it up Lopi!

Lopiseni @ Tamaki Primary School: honey moon: the lady went on a honeymoon and she said i got to catch my breathe and so she layered and ran a away in the forest and she got lost she wa...

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