Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Syraiah-Lee @ Tamaki Primary School: A beautiful wedding.

Your writing just keeps getting better and better Syraiah-Lee.
You have got paragraphs, dialogue, powerful words, most of the time you have used full stops and capital letters properly and you have lots of detail. Woohoo!

I love this part "It got darker and darker. She got scared, as the sun went down and the moon came up". What an interesting way to say that! You could have said like 'she stayed there for ages and then it was night time' but thats so boring. I love the way you are thinking to make everything you say very interesting. 

Next steps - sometimes you remembered to put a capital letter on Daniel and Rosey's names and sometimes you didn't. Just make sure you double check it when you are typing! :)

Syraiah-Lee @ Tamaki Primary School: A beautiful wedding.: It was a beautiful day and a lady named rosey was going to get married with a man named daniel. They went in a limo to go to the woods but ...

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